Novel Straight 117_I Ran From My Ex, Straight Into My Best Friend’s Father

117 

 “Dad, I love you,” I whisper, “but you’re going to lose me you refuse to let me live my own life. I’m not asking you to agree with my decisions, although I am asking you to respect them. I’m an adult, not a little girl anymore. You’re going to be a grandfather, and you’re out here beating the crap out of a man who happens to be my baby’s father. Stop and take a look at yourself. Is this who you want to be? Because, right now, you are not the father I remember.”

 “I just…” He puts his palms to his forehead, tipping his head back with closed eyes. “I just can’t lose you, too. Don’t you get that? I don’t want to lose you to this violent world he lives in. You came so close thisst time. What happens the next time someonees after you, or the time after that? Because when you are close to a man like him, the attacks willneverstop. His enemies want to get to Him, and they’re going to do that by using you, and the baby,” he adds before I can open my moutli. “Telling me you care about that child in the same breath you tell me you want to stay with him, it doesn’t add up, Caterina.”

 I cross my arms over my chest. “Gianni is doing everything he can to keep us safe. I trust him.”

 I’ve seen him look defeated more times than I even want to count in the past few weeks alone. However, nothing tops this, the way he hangs his head and almost seems to whither down inside his clothes. His shoulders hunch, his back stoops a little, and I get a sh of the old man he’ll be one day. One day soon, if he doesn’t clean up his act and get himself back on track.

 I realize I’m part of the reason why he hasn’t done that yet, and the guilt I feel is almost crippling, but no. I’m not responsible for his happiness or who he is. I’m not going to spiral out of guilt anymore. He chose toe here today, and all he did was drive a wedge between us. If he chooses to drink his life away or make other bad choices, they arehischoices. Just like my choices belong to me and nobody else.

 “I think you should go home,” I tell him, my voice trembling with sadness and grief. Grief for everything he’s going through, and for the distance between us.Mom would hate to see us like this, is I want to say, but that would be too cruel, so I don’t. Although it weighs on my heart as I watch him back away.

 “Please, Caterina. Please know that I only want what’s best for you. You and the baby will be much safer back at the house. Away from his enemies and the dark, violent world he lives in. Nothing is keeping you here. You don’t have to stay.” 

 “Your right,” I agree. “I don’t have to be here. Only that’s just it, I want to be. This is where I belong.”

 His jaw works slowly, his eyes welling up with tears. He has more to say, I’m sure, but he just gets in the car. Ken looks saddened when our eyes meet, and I raise a hand to wave goodbye, shuddering to think what would have happened if he wasn’t here–then again, it’s not like he did much to keep Dad from making aplete ass of himself.

 The rain’s starting toe down harder now, and the thunder booms louder and more frequently, so I duck inside before I get drenched. Tatianaes running from the kitchen with an ice pack in one hand when she hears me close the door. “Jesus Christ. Are you all right?”

 “Physically, yes. Emotionally I feel like I got punched in the heart. I’m sorry for what just happened.‘

 “Don’t apologize for your father. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 Didn’t I? It seems like no matter what I do, I feel like I’m failing. “I’m going to go upstairs to see how he’s doing. Are you okay?”

 “You think that’s the first time I ever saw somebody punch my dad?” It’s her shakyugh that worries me. She’s already going through so much, and right now she looks like a pale imitation of the girl I went to school with, shared secrets with, and did all the things best friends are supposed to do together. She was always the ballsy one, the loud, brassy kid whose shadow I could hide in. Now it’s like she’s hiding from herself inside that shadow, at

 turtle trapped inside its shell. “None of this is your fault, so don’t me yourself. Shit happens.” “Do you want to </be up with me?” I start for the stairs, looking at her over my shoulder.

 +15 BONUS 

 “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You know what the sight of blood does to me.” She hands me the ice pack. ” You should take it to him. I’ll make something to eat.” I watch her walk away and already my heavy heart feels heavier, like someone’s tied a brick to it. There’s this invisible wall between us now. We’re still friendly, cordial, and all that. However, instead of talking to each other, we’re talking through a plexiss wall, causing some of the words to be lost. I don’t know how to get us back to where we used to be. Maybe we’ll never be the same.

 As I reach the bedroom, Roger’s on his way out. “Turns out he’s tough as nails and will manage to survive. Just a little bit of seepage.”

 “Oh, thank God. I would hate to have to take him back to the hospital.”

 “After everything that just happened…”

 “If you’re wondering if I’m okay, the answer is yes.” I interrupt, giving him ame smile that probably looks more like a grimace.

 He must see right through it because his brows draw together and his eyes narrow. ” Okay, well, in case you were wondering… I mean, about the camera…”

 I shake my head before he can inform me of what I already know. “I already know, and I’ll save you the embarrassment. We don’t have to talk about it, and I honestly don’t want to either.”

 “Fair enough. I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.”

 I give him a nod. I knew it had to have been Roger as soon as Gianni and him looked at each other. I’ve seen that look before. These men have a boatload of secrets between them. I shudder to think about the things they’ve done. 

 “I’m fine.” It’s the first thing Gianni says to me when I enter the bedroom to find him stretched out on his back. What I’m looking at conveys a different story: he’s stripped down to his boxers, his head propped up on pillows, and his eye starting to cken under the cut Dad gave him.

 “Tatiana was going to bring you this.” I hand him the ice pack, which he ces over his eye.

 I have so many questions.

 Why does he do what he does? Why did he think the camera was the right thing to do? Why didn’t he ever tell me about it? How much of my privacy did he invade, exactly?

 The one at the forefront of them all is the one that pours out of me first. “What would possess you to let my father do that?” I ask, sitting on the bed next to him. Roger must have taped a new piece of gauze over his wound, since it doesn’t look like there’s any more blooding through yet.What if he’s hurt worse than we suspect?

 “What do you mean? Are you asking why I let him knock me on my ass?” His speech is a little slurred thanks to his split lip, although that does nothing to affect the sarcasm in his voice.

 I nod, “Yes! You didn’t even try to defend yourself, and don’t you dare tell me you did it to protect me.”

 “Maybe…” He forces a deep breath into his lungs and winces like it hurts, but continues, “Maybe I knew I deserved it.”

 “No! Don’t do this.”

 Shrugging, he says, “He’s right. About the camera, about the way I’m ruining your life. I know you deserve better than all of this. You, Tatiana, everyone in my life. No matter what I do, I end up hurting the people I love the most. So yeah, I think I deserved an ass kicking.”

 ***+16 BONUS

 My heart aches in my chest. I refuse to allow him to believe the things he’s saying. “Listen to me. For one, I’m with you because I want to be. After all, life without you is utter misery. For better or worse, we belong together, and fighting against the inevitable is a waste of time.”

 “He made several valid points out there. You know he did, even I can admit that.”

 “If you are so bad for me, why am I here?”

 His jaw tightens, the muscles jumping as his lips draw into thin line. “Because it’s like you said: it’s a waste of time trying to pretend you don’t belong with me. No matter how hard I try to keep you away for your own sake, that only seems to make things worse.‘

 “And because you want me to be here, right?”

 “What do you think?” His hand finds mine, wrapping around my fingers arid squeezing tight. “I love you. Nothing is going to change that. Not even your crazy father.” 

 “I love you, too.That’swhy I’m here. At the end of the day, this is where I belong.”

 Rather than grill him about the camera, I kick off my shoes and crawl over him, settling in on his good side. Despite everything, there is a sort of peace when I lie down beside him that I’ve never felt anywhere, with anyone else. It’s like something in my soul clicks into ce when I rest my head on his shoulder, and he drapes an arm around me, pulling me closer.

 Whatever happens in this world, we can alwayse back to this–the two of us, together, which is all that truly matters. I want to believe that, yet somehow I can’t. Because downstairs is my best friend, who seems more lost than ever, and out there somewhere are the men who almost ended our lives. On top of all of that, my dad might never speak to me again.

 I can’t pretend our being together hasn’t upended my life, but I do know that it’s worth it. With Gianni’s love wrapped around me anything seems possible.

 х

NovelLamp

Novel Straight 117