I have knelt down so I could catch his gaze. It’s important that he understands that I will admit and apologize when I am wrong. Something my father could never do and the one thing I truly despised about him.


    “I appreciate that.


    He states with a nod without ever looking at me.


    “Alpha.” His voice is quiet and once again ashamed, throwing me off.


    “What’s wrong Cole?”


    “I don’t handle the lidocaine shots very well. Not since….” He trails off not wanting to admit what happened to him. “It reminds me of medications that I’ve been overdosed on. I need to be tied. I’ve hurt, badly hurt doctors and nurses in the past.”


    “Cole, I really don’t think that’s necessary. I’m going…..”


    “Alpha please.”


    He interrupts me, hanging his head and looking away as if he expects me to hit him. He waits a minute before looking back at me. His eyes are pleading and fearful.


    “Alpha please. I don’t want to hurt Dr. Pierce. I need to be tied. Hard restraints so I can’t move.” He swallows hard as I’nod.


    “Let’s go get you settled into the bed.”


    I don’t like this. Not at all. I’m running different options through my head as to how to respect his request for restraints without driving him crazy using the same hard restraints everyone else has used.


    He’s following slowly behind me as I stop in front of the cab. I sigh heavily as I open the drawer that contains the various restraint options that are approved by the council. I start pulling all of them out. Chains, leather straps, soft Velcro cuffs, and padded Velcro straps.


    He whines softly beside me as he spots the array of tools I have to choose from. I turn to Cole, taking his hands in mine before he can step away. He struggles in my hold as I step closer to him, pulling him into a gentle hug. He’s stiff and ufortable as I try to calm his fears.


    “I know what you’re anticipating but I promise this will be nothing like what’s happened before. Can you make it to the bed andy down or do you want me to walk you over?”


    He’s shaking badly and doesn’t make a move to get away from me,


    “I don’t know.”


    He finally whispers as he brings his hands to his head. I stay still watching his movements, concerned about his attempt to harm himself just five minutes before. His hands are t as he starts hitting his head again. This time he is softer than in the tub but it’s still too close to the one stim I will not allow.


    “Talk to me Cole. What are you thinking right now?”


    I speak calmly and softly near his ear as I wrap my hands around his, gently stopping his movements.


    “I can’t do this. I can’t handle the lidocaine shots without being restrained and I can’t handle the restraints.”


    “I know you’ve only been here two days but I’ve been nothing but gentle and considerate of everything you’re going through and that’s not going to change.”


    I look up as I hear Ang enter the room behind Cole causing him to stiffen and shift in ce. I can tell he’s fighting himself not to struggle against my hold. She looks to the restraints on the counter, to me and back again.


    “The only reason I’m even considering the restraints right now is because of your fear of hurting Ang.”


    “It’s not a fear sir. I already have.”


    He whines as his resolve not to fight dissolves. He pushes against me hard, moving his armis erratically in an effort iis free futésélt


    *Alpha please. You don’t understand. I don’t deserve to be an alpha. I don’t deserve to be here. You’re on nice to me shke I’m nothing but à mà b?c Dangerous and unpredictable. I deserve the beatings. I deserve to be chained, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend to be gammal. Til vindrów role that program. Just put me on the bus with Das. I’m certain he’d love to do my father the favor of taking me out of the world flise in eart of the


    He’s fighting me badly and his statement about Das has caught me off guard. His depression is worse than I anticipated if he’s talking might stowing someone to beat him to death.