Undiluted jealousy
+15 BONUS
My head was swirling with the new revtion. I always thought my love for Emma was eternal.
Realizing that it wasn’t, was doing things to my head and heart.
I move quickly and sit down next to Noah. Now more than ever I wanted this whole thing over. I was
desperate to get out of here. Already feeling like my skin was crawling.
“What were you talking about with Emma?” Noah asks the moment I sit down.
The disdain in his voice is very clear. No one needed to be told twice that the woman I had
nned to spend the rest of my life with was his least favorite person.
This hate is another thing that made me put a pause on my rtionship with Emma. How could I date
her? How could I be with her when my son clearly hates her? How could I consider a rtionship with
her when she also doesn’t seem to like Noah?”
Based on the things she said about him. It’s clear she resents him for either being Ava’s son or being
the reason I had to marry Ava. Maybe it was both.
“Nothing important” I mumbled, feeling lost in thoughts.
We are quiet for a while until he opens his mouth again. The things he spews has be clenching my
fists.
“I have a best friend now. Just like you and Uncle Gabe have Uncle Travis as your best friend” he
begins.
“That’s good”
I was in no mood to chat. My mood was soured. Noah didn’t seem to get the hint though. He kept
talking.
“His name is Gunner and he is our new neighbor. They moved in about a week ago”
I just nod my head distractedly. It’s not that I wasn’t interested in what he was saying. I just had a
lot on my fucking mind. His mother being at the center of everything.
“You know” he pauses “He has a really good looking dad.” He finishes.
That piece of information immediately catches my attention. I turn to him and it’s then I notice
his mischievous smile.
“They’ve been to our house and when Gunner and I were ying mom and Mr Calvin were downstairs
talking and eating cupcakes. He even promised to help mommy nt her vegetable garden”
What the fuck! What the hell was he talking about and who the fuck was this Calvin guy? Why would
Ava invite a total stranger in her house knowing very well that the Reapers were still atrge?
He continues. Smirking at me triumphantly as if he hadn’t just woken up a raging beast inside me.
“He made herugh a lot. When Gunner and I came down for dinner, they were standing really close as
he helped her set the table.”
The more he talked, the more my fury rose. I clenched my teeth just to stop myself fromshing out at
my own son. My fucking heart was pounding and I couldn’t calm myself down as waves of anger
washed over me. 2
“I was worried about what would happen to mom when you married Emma, but now with Calvin around
you can do it. I still don’t like her, but you can marry her and mom can marry Calvin. He makes her
laugh and Gunner will be my brother, so that’s a bonus.” 9
I kid you not, Noah gives me an evil grin before delivering the final blow
“Maybe Gunner and I can get more siblings, we’ll have to talk to them first but I’m sure they’ll agree” he
finishes 3
I reach the end of my limit and blow up. My eyes narrowed into slits at the audacity my son had.
“Noah!” I shout, banging my hand on the fucking pic table.
Everyone turns to look at us. Confusion in their faces. They were all wondering what the hell was
happening. This was the first time I’ve ever fucking yelled at Noah
“What?” he ask innocently as if he hadn’t just unleash a raging inferno inside me. 5
Instead of being afraid, he stands up, throws me a cat eating grin and then walks away. Heading
towards my mother and Kate.
“What the hell was that about?” Gabe asks, sitting down next to me. A few secondster, Travis
joins us.
I was still fuming. Unable to control the rage that was inside me at knowing there was another
No matter what I tried. I couldn’t get the fucking image of Avaughing while setting at the table with
another man. It brought havoc. Tearing at me in a way I didn’t fucking understand.
When I was around her, she rarely smiled. Let aloneugh. If she smiled, it was cold and detached.
The fact that someone else was making herugh was a fucking hard pill to swallow.
“Yeah, what did Noah say to make you so mad?” Travis jumps in looking at me curiously.
“Nothing. Just some stuff about their new neighbor being cozy in Ava’s house and making herugh” I
ground out, fisting my hands.
Travis and Gabe look at each other beforeughing. I didn’t care though, because my mind was in
turmoil.
The need to punch something or someone was there and it was fucking strong. All I could see is
red.
There was this primal part of me that wanted to scream that she was mine. That no other man
should daree close to her.
That part of me took me by surprise because I never considered her as mine. She has always just
been Ava. The woman who destroyed my fucking life.
“It’s obvious he’s trying to make you jealous” Gabe states after theirughter dies down. “It’s not a
secret that he wants you and Ava back together. He wanted to see your reaction and from how you’ve
reacted it just proves to him that you care about Ava and that you care a lot”
I re at my brother. I want to deny what he just said, but I can’t. If I was being honest, then I would
admit that I was feeling jealous. Pure, undiluted jealousy.
I want Ava to smile at me. Tough a lot around me. I want to be the one in her house helping her set
the damn table. Heck, I want to be the one to help her nt her vegetable garden.
The intense feeling brings my whole world to a stand still. I am Rowan Woods for fucks sake, yet I don’t
mind getting down on my knees, with my hands in the dirt to help Ava nt her garden. As long as I
was next to her, as long as I was the only man near her, then nothing else mattered.
I am shocked as those thoughts cross my mind. I never would have imagined wanting anything to do
with Ava, but here I was, apletely changed man.
“Do you want Ava back?” Travis looks at me seriously.
His question take me aback, but I don’t have a fucking answer. How do I tell him that I was confused as
shit? How do I tell him that I can’t connect orprehend all these feelings that were running amuck in
my heart. That the intense feelings I have for Ava now, confused the living daylights out of me?
It just didn’t make any fucking sense. Why now? Why not all those years back?
The endless questions were giving me a headache. Worst of all, I didn’t have a damn answer to any of
them.
I groan then stand up instead of answering. I ignore the questioning looks from my parents, the
triumphant look from Noah and the confused look from Kate.
I needed space to breathe. Space to sort out my head and feelings. I thought I would get it inside the
house away from everyone, but I was wrong.
Emma was sitting in the living room alone.
When she sees me, she jumps on her feet and approaches me.
“Please, Rowan, talk to me. Tell me how I can fix things” she pleads.
I don’t like hurting her, but that’s exactly what I will be doing if I continue giving her false hope. I don’t
want to lead her on. Not when I knew deep down I didn’t feel the same way anymore.
Maybe she also didn’t feel the same. It’s been years. I bet her feelings have changed, but just like how
I was before. She’s refusing to let go of the teenage, young love we had.
Running my hand through my hair, I answer. “You can’t fix anything, Emma. I don’t want to hurt you, but
it’s time for us to ept that our love ran its course”
“Are you telling me you don’t love me? That you love Ava instead?” She asks, shock and heart break
written all over her face.
Just like I did with Travis and Gabe, instead of answering I fucking walk away.
As the day bleeds to night, I couldn’t help but ask myself the same thing.
If I wasn’t in love with Emma, does that mean I was in love with my ex–wife?