Figuring it out


    My head was going to blow up and leave pieces of meat scattered all over my living room. I haven’t


    had a moment of peace at all.


    Thoughts keep running through my head. Never stopping. Never ceasing. It was driving me


    insane, for heaven’s sake.


    “Okay, now I want you to focus on the key and the insects we are studying,” I tell Mary, one of the


    students I tutor. “If you want to master the dichotomous key, you have to focus on those two.”


    I’d hoped that this would distract me from my thoughts, but I was damn wrong. My head kept


    straying every single damn time.


    Mary nods her head, giving me the signal that she has understood.


    “The first character hasrge wings and has small or no wings… What do you think the answer is?”


    She studies the insects in the book before turning to me. At first, she seems unsure, but finally


    she opens her mouth and speaks.


    “Only one insect hasrge wings in this list, so the butterfly will go under that category”


    I smile at her, d that she got it. “Good. So since it’s the only one withrge wings, the rest will


    fall under the small or no wings. Given that this is like a game of elimination and they’re a lot, we


    will subdivide them into categories. So what do you think the next two categories will be


    ording to the insects we have?”


    Her eyes go back to the book. She doesn’t say anything for a while, but she keeps throwing me


    nces as if she’s nervous.


    “Don’t worry, Mary, just take your time,” I tell her softly.


    I believe the key to being a good teacher is having patience. Understanding that not all students


    will get it on the first try. There are just some that are a bit slower than others, and that is


    absolutely okay.


    “I don’t know if I am right,” she begins.


    “And that’s okay. If you’re not we’ll find out where you went wrong”


    She nods her head. “Long rear legs or short rear legs”


    “Good, that is excellent. So which will go to which?”


    I see the moment her confidencees back, and I smile.


    “With very long legs, the category will end with mosquitoes, while for short rear legs, I’ll divide


    the category into another two parts. Small eyes andrge eyes”


    I p my hand in glee, just to make her feel appreciate. After all, everyone deserves praise when


    they have aplished something.


    “Very good”


    “Thank you,” she says, her smile shining as bright as the sun.


    After that, the rest is easy for her. I give her exercises, and she excels in all of them. After our


    session, I give her an assignment to do at home.


    “Thank you, Ava” she says at the door. “You make Biology easy to understand.”


    “Anytime dear”


    After she leaves, I head to the living room and drop down on the couch like a sack of potatoes. My


    mind was still wired and I wanted a distraction, I just couldn’t think of anything.


    Noah was at Gunner’s house so I was alone for now.


    Rubbing my belly, I try toe up with something to do. The issue about Gunner’s mother still


    bothered me. That, along with what Calvin told Rowan. There was just something about


    everything that niggled in my mind.


    I stand up and go to my room to change. I put on some old clothes then head out to the backyard.


    Maybe gardening will tak nind of the thoughts in my head.


    I get down on my knees after getting some seeds from the shed. Today I n to nt some carrots


    and tomatoes.


    “You seem lost.” His voice pulls me away from my task.


    I look up to see Calvin standing right in front of me. I don’t know for how long I was gardening, but


    I had been so lost that I hadn’t heard him when he arrived.


    “Yeah…I just have a lot on my mind. I’d hoped this would help,” I tell him while wiping some of the


    dirt from my clothes.


    2.4


    “Anything I can help you figure out?”


    “I don’t think so


    He was always tight–lipped about the mother of his son. I didn’t know anything Were they


    married, then divorced? Were they just in a rtionship? How long have they known each other?


    I doubt he will ever willingly give me the information I need to piece things together. Besides, I


    didn’t want to cause him hurt. It looks like every time I mention her, either he gets really pissed or


    really angry.


    “That’s okay… I get it. A lot of the time, I prefer processing things on my own,” he pauses. “But that


    doesn’t mean that I can’t help you with this,” he points at the small garden.


    “Thank you,” I smile while he gets down on his knees.


    I hand him a pair of gloves, and he follows my lead.


    “What are the boys doing?” I ask.


    “ying video games… It honestly surprises me how close they’ve be. They’re basically


    inseparable. I never even imagined this scenario in my wildest dreams, given how much I hate


    Noah’s father”


    I frown at that. He can’t even bring himself to say his name. Why?


    “Why do you hate him so much? Whatever happened between you two was years ago. Shouldn’t


    you have been able to get over it by now?” I ask him, referring to how he had a crush on Emma


    back in high school.


    He had been obsessed, just


    me. While my obsession had been for Rowan, his had been for


    Emma. Just like Rowan sal, he had followed Emma around like a lost puppy. He would write her


    love letters. Buy her flowers and leave them in her locker. He would also buy her gifts. He really


    went above and beyond and that used to piss Rowan off to no end.


    “It’s nothing,” he answers, but I know that he’s lying to me. There was something he wasn’t telling


    me.


    I choose to leave it at that instead of pushing it.


    “Regardless, you have to set your differences aside. Our sons are best friends, so you’ll have to see


    him once in a while and you can’t go picking a fight with him every time.”


    I make a mental note to have the same talk with Rowan They both need to start acting like adults


    Think about what Gunner needs. This isn’t about you or what went down between you and Rowan. This


    is about Gunner and Noah,” I add when he doesn’t say anything.


    Thinking about Gunner brings a mental picture to mind. I try to push it, but to no avail. It stays there as


    my mind sifts through smile after smile from my memories. It finally pauses on a smile, A smile very


    simr to Gunner’s.


    I freeze. My bones locked tight. My heart beating wildly. It can’t be. It just can’t be. She would have said


    something. She would have told her family. I try to deny it, but the proof is there.


    “Ava?” he calls my name, but it’s like I am in a trance.


    It was no wonder his smile was so familiar. No wonder it bothered me so much. His smile was


    simr to hers when she was a little girl. They were identical.


    “Emma,” her name slips from my lips, as if it was forced out.


    I feel it as Calvin stills next to me. If my memory didn’t convince me, then the way his body locked, did.


    “I need to go.” I mumble, struggling to stand up.


    Finally, I manage to get up. His hand on my arm stops me. I face him. He must have seen something in


    my eyes. I’m not sure, and right now, I don’t care.


    “You know,” he whispers. “You’ve figured out the truth.”


    I nod my head as tears


    my hands from his. I w.


    oud my eyes. Without a word, knowing he will take care of Noah, I pull


    back into my house and get my car keys before leaving.


    I can’t believe this. Not her.


    I needed answers because the Emma I knew would never abandon her child. She would never be so


    cruel to her own flesh and blood.