Chapter 335


    Rowan


    Fuck, I hate it! I hate this tension and unease between Ava and me. I hate that every single time we


    cross paths, she stares at me like she doesn’t know what to do with me.


    It’s been a couple of days since that morning. I thought that things would be okay between us once I


    exined everything, but I was damn wrong. In fact, it’s like, after I told her everything, things just went


    downhill from there.


    I moved back home, and things haven’t been the same. Don’t get me wrong, she hasn’t turned into a


    raging bitch or anything like that, but at this point, I would prefer that to the cold politeness she shows


    me.


    My fear of losing her gets stronger and stronger each and every day. I can’t help but wonder what will


    happen once she gets her memory back and finds out that we are divorced. That I had deceived her.


    The fear has a grip on my fucking heart. I don’t want to lose her, and I’m afraid that’s what will happen


    when the truthes out.


    Unable to sit still, I stand up and start pacing. My office here at home has been the ce where I’ve


    spent most of my time. I hardly sleep. The thought of losing her keeps me awake most nights.


    Part of me wants to just tell her the truth. You know, rip it off like a band aid and just face the


    consequences head–on. The other part, though, is unwilling to. The other part still holds on to hope


    that Ava and I will be okay.


    My door opens and Gabe walks in. For a split second, I see how busy and chaotic it is outside my


    office before the door closes.


    “Ava went all out this time, didn’t she?” He asks with a small smile while sitting down.


    Today was Noah’s birthday, and the organizers were doing the final touches. It was a superhero theme


    party because that was what Noah wanted, and what he wanted, he got. All his friends from school


    were invited, and so was his entire ss. He even invited his favorite teacher.


    Instead of saying anything, I just nod before looking outside my window. The nners were busy


    setting up what needed to be set up. Ava was busy directing them, with Irisfortably stered to


    her front.


    My eyes remain on her. It’s like I can’t; she’s hypnotized me and I can’t get my eyes off even if I tried.


    As if sensing my gaze, she turns, and our eyes collide. We stare at each other for a moment, my heart


    pleading with her, but soon she pulls away and looks in another direction.


    “So how have things been?” Gabe asks after a while.


    “Terrible”


    He doesn’t say anything for a while, and neither do I. Instead, I continued to stare outside. L continue


    staring at her, willing her to turn around and look at me. When she doesn’t, I exhale a tired sigh and


    walk back to my chair.


    “Nothing changed after you exined things to her?” he inquires.


    I wasn’t really in the fucking mood to talk, but I knew I needed to get myself together. Today is Noah’s


    birthday; I am not going to be a downer and spoil the day for him.


    “None.” I breathe out. “She doesn’t ignore me like she did before, but she isn’t back to her normal self.


    She’s a bit distant.”


    I guess I was now getting a taste of my own medicine, and I can tell you that it sucked balls. If I could, I


    would spit it out, but I can’t. This is karma… And besides, this is what I deserved for treating Ava like


    shit all these years.


    “You’ve got to understand her and give her some fucking time. Remembering what you told her isn’t


    easy; I mean, hell, if I’d been in her shoes, I would be torn. No matter your exnation, no matter


    whether you meant it or not, none of that matters. Hearing those words from the man you love is


    shattering.”


    I do get what he’s saying. I understand. I would also be shattered if the roles had been reversed. I have


    no excuse. I’m a total asshole, and now my actions are back to bite my ass.


    Each day feels like my heart is being torn. I know I’m the only one to me for my pain, but I can’t help


    but wish and pray that she will forgive me. That she would give us a chance even if I didn’t give it to her


    back then. (2)


    “Has she told you anything? What she’s thinking? Or how she’s feeling?” he asks, and I shake my


    head.


    “She hasn’t, but deep down, I feel like it’s because she’s trying to make a decision on whether to stay


    with me or not,” I answer honestly, leaning tiredly against the back of my chair.


    “Seriously? Has she told you that?”


    “No… It’s more of a gut feeling.”


    And that scares me more than anything. I’ve seen it in her eyes asionally when she looks at me.


    There’s uncertainty in them about whether to forgive me or leave me. It fucking scares me because I


    know how easily I could lose her.


    “So now we just wait?”


    I nod my head, already feeling defeated. “Yes. That’s the only thing to do right now.”


    We are silent again after that. That is, until the door opens, revealing Ava.


    “Sorry, I didn’t know Gabe was in here,” she apologizes. “Hi Gabe”


    “Hello Ava”


    Iris, seeing me, tries to twist in her mom’s hand to get to me. I stand up and go to them. I pick her up


    and shees willingly to me.


    “Is there a problem?” I ask her, watching as her eyes dart around the office.


    She bites her lips, something she does when she’s anxious and nervous.


    “I got a call from Kate,” she says. “She wanted to know if she coulde to the party and was


    requesting if she could bring Emma because she’s been depressed as ofte.”


    Her eyes zone in on me. This is a decision she could have made on her own, but I know what she’s


    doing. She wants to see my reactions. She wants to see if I’m going to tell her to invite them, and then


    she’s going to use that as proof that I’m still in love with Emma, giving her the excuse she needs to


    leave me.


    I wasn’t in love with Emma, but I know it will take time for her to believe and ept that, given that I’ve


    rubbed my former love for Emma to her face countless times.


    Giving her a small smile, I answer. “I don’t really care if shees or not, so the decision is up to you.


    Do what’sfortable with you.”


    She nods her head with a small smile on her lips. She is happy with my answer, but I feel like she isn’t


    yet satisfied.


    Deep down, I know that she’ll invite Emma just to gauge more of my reactions, and I’m okay with that


    because I have nothing to hide or worry about, but something tells me that with Emma here, something


    big will go down.