Chapter 353


    Chapter 0353


    It''s been a week since | asked Rowan to give me time. He’s tried to keep his distance, but it hasn’t been easy for both of us.


    | won''t lie, | really miss him. | miss being around him. | miss our talks. | miss everything about him. It’s been quite an adjustment


    trying to merge the Rowan | was used to and the Rowan | woke up to after mya.


    It doesn’t take genius to know that he loves me, but is it enough? Part of me wants to forgive him and move forward; the other


    part is afraid that the


    memories of the past will always be a thorn between us. | mean, how can we be happy if | haven''t been able to let go of the


    past?


    It''s also been an adjustment for Noah and Iris. They haven''t made it a secret that they miss Rowan. Noah talks about him all the


    time and keeps asking when we are going to go back and live with his father. Iris has been irritable since we left.


    She cries a lot and is restless. The only time she settles down is when Rowan calls and she hears his voice. The bond those two


    have despite Rowan not being her father amazes. It’s something else that | don’t know how to deal with.


    | could go back for the sake of the kids, but | don’t want that. That is not the basis for building the rtionship. If I’m to go back, |


    want it to be because | want to. Because | want to give us a try.


    Aknock on the door pulls me from my thoughts. Since the day | went to the station, | haven’t been out much. I''ve also just hidden


    myself away, withdrawing from those around me. My mind hasn’t been able to settle, especially knowing that | have to make a


    decision soon.


    | carry a crying Iris and open the door, surprised to find Rowan’s mother on the other side.


    “Hello, Ava,” she greets with a small and warm smile. “Is it alright if |e in?”


    | waspletely speechless, so | just nodded my head instead. | take a step back and let her in.


    | keep bouncing Iris up and down, trying tofort her and get her to quiet down, but it doesn’t work. | was at my wits end on


    what to do.


    “Is she growing a tooth?” she politely asks. “Is that why she’s crying?”


    | take a moment topose myself before answering. This is a situation | never thought I’d find myself in. Rowan’s mom never


    liked me. | do understand her,


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    caused my son to lose the girl he loved. | would even be more bitter knowing it’s because of her that my son was living ina


    miserable marriage.


    “It seems she misses her home and Rowan,” | calmly and simply reply.


    She nods her head as if she understands. It’s quiet between us for a while. The atmosphere is heavy with awkwardness. | didn’t


    know how to deal with it. Part of me just wanted her to say what she came to say so | could rx.


    “| don’t mean to be rude,” | begin. “But is there a reason why you''re here?”


    She takes a deep breath. “Yes. First of all, | want to apologize for everything that has happened over the years. You didn’t


    deserve our scorn and you definitely didn’t deserve what we put you through.”


    “It doesn’t matter; it’s in the past.” | immediately cut her off. Thest thing | want is for us to rehash the past. | was so tired of it.


    Things happened that were beyond my control. They did what they did, and there is no use crying over what has already


    happened. It’s not like any of us can go back and change the past.


    Then why can’t you forgive Rowan and let go? The nagging voice asked.


    “No, it does matter,” she breathes out. “I believe that part of the reason why you won''t forgive Rowan is because of what we did


    to you.”


    “Rowan?”


    “Yes, he’s the other reason why I’m here.”


    | sigh tiredly. | should have seen thising. “I see”


    By this time, Iris had quieted down and was now struggling not to fall asleep. She still had the stubbornness of her drawn-down


    eyebrows, but at least she’d stopped crying.


    “| don’t think you do,” she says softly. “Rowan has be a mess without you. He truly loves you, and now he thinks he’s lost


    you for good. It’s like the mere realization of that fact has made him lose the life inside him. He has be a zombie. The only


    time we get a reaction from him is when you, Noah or Iris are mentioned.” o


    It pained me to hear all this. | really didn’t think that my leaving would have this impact on him. In my head, | rationalized that


    yes, he did love me, but was it too much for his life to stop simply because I’d left?


    I did love him. | fucking loved him even after everything, but | just didn’t know