(Scarlett’s POV)
More Rewards <b>> </b>
Soon after Virginia walks out, James and ir follow behind her.
Jasper hesitates for a second, but I chase him away not wanting any part of the chaos that follows him. The further he stays away from me and Lily, the more peaceful and calm our days will be.
Pouring myself a cup of tea, I curl up on the couch. Lily has already fallen asleep, worn out from the excitement. Snow falls past my windows, and the apartment feels peaceful for the
first time in weeks.
I don’t realize when I drift off.
<i>I’m </i><i>standing </i><i>in </i>front of <i>my </i><i>bedroom </i><i>mirror</i><i>, </i><i>adjusting </i><i>the </i><i>Burberry </i><i>scarf </i><i>Jasper </i><i>bought </i><i>me </i>around <i>my </i><i>face</i>. <i>My </i><i>reflection looks </i><i>younger</i><i>, </i><i>hopeful</i><i>. </i><i>I’m </i><i>wearing </i><i>the </i><i>cream</i><i>–</i><i>colored dress </i>I bought for <i>our </i><i>first </i><i>Christmas </i><i>together</i><i>–</i><i>the one </i>that <i>made </i><i>Jasper’s </i><i>eyes </i><i>widen </i><i>when </i><i>he </i><i>saw </i><ol><li>me. </li></ol>
<i>In </i><i>the dream</i><i>, </i><i>I </i><i>feel </i><i>beautiful</i><i>. </i><i>Cherished</i><i>. </i>
<i>The </i><i>scene </i><i>shifts</i><i>, </i><i>and </i><i>suddenly </i><i>I’m </i><i>walking </i><i>down </i><i>Pine Street </i><i>with </i><i>Jasper </i><i>beside </i><i>me</i><i>. </i><i>The </i><i>sidewalks </i><i>are </i><i>crowded </i><i>with </i><i>families </i><i>dressed in </i><i>their </i><i>finest clothes</i><i>, </i><i>children </i><i>running </i>between <i>their </i><i>parents</i><i>‘ </i><i>legs</i>, <i>the </i><i>air </i><i>filled </i><i>withughter </i><i>and </i><i>celebration</i>.
Jasper’s <i>hand </i><i>finds </i><i>mine</i><i>, </i><i>warm </i><i>and </i><i>steady</i><i>. </i>He’s <i>wearing </i>the <i>navy </i><i>suit </i>that <i>brings </i><i>out </i><i>his </i>eyes<i>, </i>the one <i>he </i><i>imed </i><i>was too </i><i>fancy </i><i>but </i><i>wore </i><i>anyway </i><i>because </i><i>he </i><i>knew </i><i>I </i>loved <i>it</i>.
“Are you <i>happy</i><i>?</i><i>” </i><i>he </i>asks, <i>stopping </i><i>to </i><i>look </i>at <i>me</i>.
In the dream<i>, </i>the <i>question </i><i>doesn’t </i><i>carry </i>the <i>weight </i>of all our broken <i>promises</i>, <i>all </i>the tears<i>, </i>all the nights I cried myself to <i>sleep</i><i>. </i><i>It’s </i><i>simple</i><i>, </i><i>pure</i>, asked <i>by </i>a <i>man </i>who <i>genuinely </i><i>wants </i>to
know.
“Yes,” <i>I </i>whisper, and <i>I </i>mean <i>it</i>.
We find a table at the little restaurant we discovered <i>by </i>ident that first Christmas. The owner recognizes us, wees us back <i>with </i><i>warm </i>smiles and free appetizers. The familiar smells of cardamom and nutmeg <i>wrap </i>around us <i>like </i>a hug.
Jasper orders for both of us–he remembers I don’t like <i>my </i>pasta with tomatoes, remembers <i>I </i>always want extra grilled chicken. When the food arrives, steam rising from the colorful <i>dishes</i>, he begins filling <i>my </i>te first.
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<i>“</i><i>Try </i><i>this</i><i>,</i><i>” </i><i>he </i><i>says</i><i>, </i><i>spooning </i><i>alfredo </i><i>sauce over </i><i>my </i><i>pasta</i>. <i>“</i><i>The </i><i>owner </i>said <i>it’s </i><i>his </i><i>grandmother’s </i><i>recipe</i><i>.</i><i>” </i>
<i>I </i><i>reach </i>for <i>my </i><i>own </i><i>spoon</i>, <i>but </i><i>Jasper </i>catches my <i>wrist </i><i>gently</i>.
<i>“</i>Let <i>me</i>.”
<i>There’s </i><i>something </i><i>in </i><i>his </i>voice, something tender <i>and </i><i>careful</i><i>, </i>that makes <i>my </i>heart <i>skip</i><i>. </i>He <i>spins </i><i>his </i><i>fork </i><i>with </i>paste, making <i>sure </i>to get the <i>perfect </i><i>amount</i><i>–</i><i>not </i><i>too </i><i>much </i>sauce, <i>a </i>piece of <i>tender </i><i>chicken</i><i>, </i>a dice of olive.
“Open<i>,</i><i>” </i>he says <i>softly</i><i>. </i>
<i>I </i><i>part </i><i>my </i><i>lips</i>, and he feeds me <i>with </i><i>the </i><i>same </i><i>concentration </i><i>he </i><i>used </i><i>to </i><i>reserve </i><i>for </i><i>his </i><i>most </i><i>important </i>cases. <i>His </i><i>eyes </i><i>never </i>leave <i>my </i><i>face</i>, <i>watching </i><i>for </i><i>my </i><i>reaction</i>.
<i>The </i>food <i>is </i><i>incredible</i>–rich <i>and filling</i><i>, </i><i>warming </i><i>me </i><i>from </i><i>the </i><i>inside </i><i>out</i>. <i>But </i><i>it’s </i><i>not </i><i>the </i><i>taste </i>that makes <i>my </i><i>eyes </i><i>fill </i><i>with </i><i>tears</i>.
It’s <i>the </i>way <i>he’s </i><i>looking </i>at <i>me</i><i>. </i><i>Like </i><i>I’m precious</i><i>. </i><i>Like </i><i>feeding </i><i>me </i><i>is an </i><i>honor</i><i>, </i><i>not </i><i>a </i><i>chore</i>.
“Good<i>?</i><i>” </i><i>he </i><i>asks</i><i>, </i><i>thumb </i><i>brushing </i><i>sauce </i><i>from </i><i>the </i><i>corner </i><i>of </i>my <i>mouth</i>.
I can’t <i>speak</i><i>, </i>so <i>I </i><i>just </i><i>nod</i><i>. </i><i>He </i><i>smiles</i>–<i>that </i><i>real </i><i>smile</i><i>, </i><i>the </i><i>one </i><i>I </i><i>fell </i><i>in love </i><i>with</i><i>–</i><i>and </i><i>prepares </i>
<i>another </i><i>bite</i>.
We sit <i>there </i><i>for </i>what <i>feels </i><i>like </i><i>hours</i><i>, </i><i>him </i><i>feeding </i><i>me </i><i>bite </i><i>after </i><i>careful </i><i>bite</i><i>, </i><i>both </i><i>of </i><i>us </i><i>lost </i><i>in </i><i>a </i>
bubble of <i>tenderness</i>.
The warmth of <i>that </i><i>moment</i><i>, </i><i>the </i><i>connection </i><i>crackling </i><i>between </i><i>us </i>like <i>electricity</i><i>, </i>stays <i>with </i><i>me </i>even as other parts <i>of </i><i>the </i><i>dream </i><i>fade</i>. <i>Virginia’s </i><i>face flickers </i>at the edges of <i>my </i>consciousness, trying to intrude on <i>my </i><i>happiness</i>.
But I shove it away<i>, </i><i>refusing </i><i>to </i><i>let </i><i>her </i><i>invade </i><i>our </i>space. No, not here. Not <i>this </i><i>moment</i><i>. </i>Here, <i>it’s </i>just Jasper and me and <i>the </i>taste <i>of </i><i>his </i><i>love </i>on <i>my </i>tongue<i>. </i>
1 wake up to sunlight streaming through my bedroom window and Lily shaking my shoulder.
“Mama, wake up! It’s morning!”
But I’m still caught between sleeping and waking, still feeling the ghost of Jasper’s fingers against my lips, still tasting cardamom and love and all the things we used to be.
My hand goes to my cheek, where dream–Jasper touched me. My skin burns, his touch lingering even long after the dream.
For just a moment, lying there in my bed with morning light painting everything gold, I let
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More Rewards
myself miss him. Miss us. Miss the man who used to feed me with his hands like I was precious, and worthy of his cherishing.
Then Lily bounces on my bed again, and reality crashes back.
“Come on, Mama! We need to get a Christmas tree!”
I sit up, pushing the dream away. I won’t think about him. I’ll only think about moving forward, about building my future and securing Lily’s as well.
But as I reach for the Burberry scarf, my fingers tremble slightly. <fnd486> Latest content published on find{n}ovel</fnd486>
Some memories, it turns out, are harder to bury than one might think.
Dorian calls while I’m making breakfast for Lily.
“I’ve been thinking about our conversationst night,” he says without greeting.
I pause, spat halfway to flipping Lily’s pancake. “Oh?”
“You’re right. I was pushing too hard about the expansion.” His voice sounds different–softer, and less business–like. “Your bakery is special because it embodies your vision. I should have respected that from the beginning.”
Something loosens in my chest. “Thank you for understanding.”
“I still think you’re incredibly talented, and you can go far if you consider Andrew’s suggestions. But I’ll support your decision, and if focusing on your original bakery is what you want, then so be it.”
“Thank you, Dorian. Really. You’ve helped me in more ways than I can count…”
After we hang up, I feel lighter. Like a weight I didn’t know I was carrying has been lifted off my shoulders. For the first time in weeks, my path is clear.
Xmas is tomorrow<i>. </i>My breath clouds as I exhale, watching the Christmas lights twinkle on the buildings outside. Snow dusts the sidewalks, and across the street, carolers are singing “Silent Night.”
Lily bounces into my bedroom, already dressed in her new red and white dress.
“Mama, when are we getting the tree?”
“In a few minutes, habibti.” I pull her onto the bed for morning cuddles. “Let me get ready.”
A few hourster, a decorated Christmas tree stands proudly in the corner of my living room, its soft glow casting shadows across the walls.
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More Rewards >
The house is warm, the kitchen smelling like cinnamon and msses. The heat of the oven fights against the cold creeping in through the cracks of the window, as we mold gingerbread
cookies.
Lily’s tiny hands are covered in flour, smudges of dough sticking <i>to </i>her cheeks as she presses down on the gingerbread cutter. She giggles, her high–pitched <i>voice </i>cutting through the stillness of the night.
“Mama, look! It’s a gingerbread man!” She holds up her creation. I praise it as beautiful, though it’s more like a lopsided blob than anything resembling a gingerbread man.
A familiar ache settles in my heart. Last year, it was just the two of us. This year too, it’s…
just the two of us. Again.
I take a deep breath, running my fingers through my hair. Lily doesn’t notice my state. She’s too absorbed in her work, adding sprinkles to her gingerbread man, her hands shaking with
excitement as if every single detail matters.
I look out the window at the kes drifting down, and for a second, I think about the life I thought I’d have by now–the one I dreamed of, the one where another figure is in our lives.
“Mama, are we going to leave cookies for Santa?” Lily pulls me from my thoughts. She’s bouncing now, her eyes fever–bright with joy.
Suppressing my churning emotions, I give her a smile, and say, “Of course.”
I don’t trust myself to say anything more.
That night, after Lily falls asleep, Iy out our clothes for tomorrow. Her new dress and…
I pause, my fingers brushing against silk in the closet. The Burberry scarf Jasper gave me four years <i>ago </i>sits folded between my hijabs. Cream–colored with the subtle flower pattern, still beautiful, still soft.
I haven’t worn it since the day I sent him the divorce papers four years ago. The years following that, mywyer emailed him the papers, but he refused to sign, forcing me to return
to the state.
My chest tightens as I remember the day he gave it to me. How nervous he’d looked, how he’d fumbled with the box. “I know it’s not much,” he’d said, “but I saw it and thought of you.”
It wasn’t much by his standards now, but back then, when he was still paying off student loans and working long hours at his first job, it represented weeks of saved lunch money.
I hold the fabric up to the window, letting the streetlight catch its sheen.
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I fold it carefully and ce it with my outfit for tomorrow.
That night, I dream again.
Violet Moon
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